“Stop Crying or I’ll Give You Something To Cry About”

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As a child, if your emotional needs were often unmet or you were told things like… “Shut up, quit crying” or “If you don’t stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about”…
you most likely had trouble processing your emotions as a teenager or young adult which resulted in: reckless behaviors or always “misbehaving” in school, substance abuse, social isolation, etc.;
and/or you probably still have trouble processing your emotions as an adult which has resulted in: anxiety, depression, panic attacks, unhealthy relationships, etc.
Although punishment or shame for crying (or expressing a need) is common in older generations, especially in certain cultures, it is far from healthy, and in fact, creates a plethora of issues later in life.
Whether a child is crying because their feelings are genuinely hurt or they’re crying because they can’t get a toy, pairing emotional expression with punishment/fear (e.g., threats) will more than often create disharmony later in life.
(Now, I’m not saying give the child the toy when he cries lol… I’m saying practice reinforcement and active listening rather than, “because I said so, now stop crying” lol….I’ll save child reinforcement vs. punishment for another day. Let me stay on topic.)
As children… if we got hit, got “the look”, or some type of punishment for expressing emotion, our brains were conditioned very early in life to associate “emotional expression + feeling” with “fear + punishment”.
We’ve essentially been trained to hold in our raw emotions … over and over again. This has the potential to, first and foremost, create physical imbalances later in life (i.e., disease, illness).
Emotions are “energy in motion (i.e., e-motion)” to put it simply.
They must flow in order for mental, emotional, and physical balance… so, if we were not provided the space, compassion, and listening ear to feel raw emotions as children, we learn to suppress our energies deemed as “unacceptable”.
This creates blockages in the emotional body because we have no idea how to simply feel, how to provide a non-judgmental space for ourselves, or how to validate what we feel/believe.
These blockages can eventually manifest into the physical body.
Moreover, if we had parents who did not provide space, compassion, and a listening ear for our emotions (especially if our sadness/anger had to do with them), we tend to attract romantic partners, friends, and/or supervisors with similar (or worse) disregard for our feelings.
We grow to believe that it is normal for people to ignore, reject, physically abuse, and/or turn the table on us when we are upset about the way they’re treating us.
Even worse, sometimes we believe this is consistent with love.
So we remain in this karmic loop of… emotional suppression, co-dependent relationships/friendships, physical/emotional abusive relationships, narcissistic supervisors, anxiety, depression, loneliness, physical illness or disease, estranged parent/child relationships, etc.
First and foremost, it’s important to forgive in our hearts all generations before us who started this generational curse, if you will.
Just like you are doing the best you can for yourself and your children, so were your parents… and their parents.. and their parents’ parents…etc.
Secondly, this generational curse (or cycle) has most likely lead you to reject your own needs and feelings. Therefore, in order to break the cycle and heal the emotional body, we must learn how to hold space for our emotions and make sure our needs are met….
doing this, allows you to provide that same compassion and space for your children as well, organically and effortlessly. You create healthy patterns for future generations.
The work starts with yourself, though.
Holding space for our emotions and making sure our needs are met, begins with nurturing and re-parenting our inner child.
It begins with feeling our emotions without judgment; and validating our own feelings when someone or something has triggered us.
It begins with separating ourselves from people and situations that require us to abandon and reject ourselves in order for the relationships or situation to work.
As we learn to process our emotions through the frequency of love, openness, and acceptance… we heal ourselves, we heal our bloodline, and we heal our children.
✨
I help genuine and empathic souls heal/re-parent their inner child, learn how to process their emotions in a healthy & effective manner, and break generational curses through a variety of techniques (scientific + spiritual/energetic).
Their heart, their mind, and their physical body is brought back to harmony + relationships are restored/strengthened.
Ways to work with me right now:
✨2-month 1:1 Holistic Healing program
✨1:1 individual sessions (monthly membership)
Contact me if interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if we’re a good fit.
xo,
Remi

How do You Meditate?

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A misconception I’ve heard before about spiritual consciousness is that one needs to sit in silence for hours at the top of a hill and meditate till they’re blue in the face in order to calm their mind and find optimum healing.
While I believe meditation is extremely beneficial to our health and well-being, I also know sitting in silence is not the easiest thing to do for everyone.
Being that meditation has extremely powerful healing benefits, my clients often wonder if there are other alternatives to this technique in times where they can’t sit still for one minute
…and the answer is, yes.
Something I learned a couple of years ago from Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the most respected Zen masters in the word, is that healing our heart, mind, and spirit can be as simple as being present.
We are healing our childhood wounds, we are healing illness, we are healing our hearts by simply coming back to our body and by being fully engulfed in the present moment. This is meditation. This is mindfulness.
Meditation can be as simple as playing a sport or working out. I’ve heard many athletes state that their sport is their sweet “escape”.
This is most likely because when one is in that natural state of flow while playing a sport, they are in deep meditation. They are fully immersed in the moment.
Meditation can be you walking your dog; when you are not on your phone and when you are not drowning in racing thoughts and emotions.
Yes, there are thoughts that pass through of course, but your center of awareness would be the greenery of trees that surround you… the sidewalk meeting your feet as you walk…. the smell of the brisk, morning air and grass… the sounds of cars passing you by… etc.
When you can fully bathe in the present moment on a simple walk outside, you are healing. You are reaching higher peaks of enlightenment and you are healing your body, mind, and heart.
Meditation can also be: playing an instrument, coloring, drawing, dancing. As long as you are immersed in the moment and within this flow state, you are practicing mindfulness; and thus, you are sending healing light to your entire being.
This sounds easy enough.. but even this, can be quite the task for those who experience anxiety and racing thoughts regardless of the matter.
They can’t seem to be in the moment because their thoughts snatch them from being “here” in the now.
This definitely used to be me in my past. I used to struggle with grounding myself and being present in the moment.. it was a constant battle between me and my thoughts.
After experiencing deep heartbreak and being bombarded with emotional trauma from my past, it was hard for me to fully immerse myself in the moment even with activities that once used to be meditation for me (e.g., volleyball, working out, painting).
None of it worked for me. I just wanted to lay in my bed and drown in my endless, self-sabotaging thoughts undisturbed lol.
Being that I could barely be present in the moment doing fun activities that I once enjoyed, there was no way I could sit in silence for 5 minutes to practice meditation.
Over this time period, I gathered tools that worked for me in that moment in order to practice mindfulness and strengthen my awareness.
This included simple exercises that involved the use of my 5 senses, my breath, creativity, physical activity geared more towards yin energy, etc.
Eventually, I was able to meditate in silence and experience healing, joy, and peace that could only come from a source higher than myself.
For anyone who this may resonate with, you do not need to meditate the traditional, monk-like way in order to reach peaks of enlightenment, peace, and healing.
All you need to do is practice bringing yourself back to your breath, your body, and the present moment.. over and over again.
In doing so, you will wake up one day and realize how much more compassion, inner peace, and forgiveness you’ve found within, compared to when you first started.
It is truly liberating to say the least.
You’ll be able to enjoy life and be present in the moment more often without memories from the past or fears of the future constantly yanking you out of the “now”…
And eventually, after practice, you will actually be able to sit in silence (or with youtube meditation music playing in the background lol) for minutes or hours at at time.. undisturbed, at peace, and grounded.
It is one of the most freeing and comforting feelings to be able to ground in the sweet nectar of the present moment more and more each time.
The more we practice mindfulness, our connection to Self will evolve to higher levels.
This will result in heightened intuitive abilities, deeper levels of compassion (for self and others), increased self-awareness, and a significant decrease in anxiety, stress, and/or depression.
When working with my clients, my goal is to give them the tools that work specifically for them, since everyone is different and since there are a variety of tools to strengthen one’s conscious awareness.
After applying these tools and exercises to your day-to-day life, you will be more capable of finding true, inner bliss or stillness no matter what battles you may be going through or what type of day you are having.
In this 2-month 1:1 Holistic Healing program, I help genuine and empathic souls go from racing thoughts, endless anxiety, and a disconnection from self… to calming their mind, significantly decreasing feelings of anxiety/depression, and increasing their ability to connect with their own inner light and love.
If you are ready to reach new peaks of enlightenment, joy, and serenity, contact me and we’ll have a quick chat to see if we’re a good fit.
xo,
Remi

Transcendence

Sometimes we will inevitably time travel into our past as we evolve (or the past will catch up to us). We move backwards in order to move forwards. When we are in tune with our subconscious, we can go into these lower dimensions while still remaining vibrationally aligned with a higher frequency. We must consistently remind ourselves to go into our lower dimensions with full conscious awareness. When the residues of your past selves or inner child make a loud appearance out of nowhere, honor them and welcome them. Matter of fact, have them take a seat at the table and make them some tea.

Go through any necessary old behavioral and emotional thought patterns with full conscious awareness and mindfulness. Dive into the deep end unapologetically, but make sure to remain as the observer. Dive into the space where all of your unresolved past pain resides. Don’t get caught up now. Dive in, then come up for air.. (or leave the front and back door open for your past selves to come as they please, and go once they’re done with their tea lol). To remain as the observer in non-resistant mode, is to master the art of transcendence.

Our subconscious mind will continue to run the show in our outer reality if we don’t dig deep into the shadow of our being. We must extract what is subconsciously weighing us down and give it back to source in order to free ourselves. We must re-discover old pain from childhood or from our past that has been unconsciously suppressed, and nurture it with with the love and care it was once deprived from.

As we re-discover any ignored or suppressed trauma/pain that has been lodged in the deep end, we can then resolve it (inwardly). Doing this in that short lil’ dive, or short lil’ tea session, we clear karmic debt. We free ourselves, our parents, our future children, and our ancestors. We connect to the essence of who we truly are and release the burdens that have been weighing ourselves and our lineage down. We generate our DNA to a higher frequency. We transcend our minds and hearts. We alchemize our darkness into divine light.

-Remi

Generational Trauma

Before jumping into generational trauma, let’s address the definition of “trauma”. Trauma is an experience that occurs in an individual’s life that causes mental, physical, and/or emotional harm. It can be a disturbance to the individual’s life and cause one to feel a lack of control over the situation. In the mental health setting, trauma can be considered a “big T” trauma or “little t” trauma. For instance, a death of a family member would be considered a “big T” trauma and something like emotional abuse would be considered a “little t” trauma. Some people may experience multiple “little t” traumas, others may experience one “big T” trauma, and some may experience a mixture of the two. Nonetheless, both forms of trauma are valid in the way they impact an individual’s emotions, mental state, and overall well-being. A few other causes of trauma can be severe illness or injury, sexual or physical abuse, natural disasters, loss of financial income, etc. “Big T” traumas are usually life-threatening and/or associated with PTSD. These cause serious distress to the individual; and while “little t” traumas are not required to meet PTSD criteria, evidence now shows that repeated exposure to “little t” traumas (e.g., emotional abuse) can cause similar or greater distress than one “Big T” traumatic experience. In result of trauma, emotional and physical reactions occur, such as anxiety, digestive issues, lack of confidence, insomnia, intrusive thoughts, etc. In children or young adults, trauma is apparent through reactions as well (e.g., anger, frequent tummy aches, attention-seeking behaviors, consistently misbehaving at school, avoiding school, etc.).

With all of this in mind, we can now consider the term generational trauma. From a scientific lens, generational trauma, or intergenerational trauma, is transferred in between generations. A child can hold core wounds from a biological parent off of unconscious loyalty, and that parent is holding the wounds of their parent, and so forth. Generational trauma will run down one’s lineage until someone breaks the pattern. For example, emotional wounds pertaining to grief, lack of self-worth, physical disease, financial struggle, amongst others can be passed down to the child. The child will experience similar life situations that trigger these core beliefs/wounds to be felt or re-lived since they have been embedded into their DNA. The wounds and core beliefs a family hold as a unit will in result, paint its own unique family dynamic. From a spiritual standpoint, it is said that whatever our parents or ancestors experienced (e.g., racism, emotional abuse, substance abuse, relationship attachments, illness, poverty, etc.), we may also experience similar events in this lifetime. Moreover, theories suggest that until the generational “curse” is broken, it will continue to be passed down. It is said that our ancestors in heaven are guiding us through the process of healing ourselves. As we heal ourselves, we also heal our ancestors and we prevent our children/future children from going through similar “passed-down” traumas.

How can we identify generational trauma within ourselves? The answer to this is to become aware of patterns in your family. Do you see a similarity in the way you handle your emotions and the way your mother/father or grandmother/grandfather handles theirs? Do you see a pattern in the way your emotions are validated by your significant other and the way your father or mother validates their own significant other’s emotions? Perhaps you have gone through poverty, and your grandmother, and grandmother’s father experienced similar situations. It is also said that irrational fears can be due to generational trauma. Moreover, we can identify generational trauma in many ways, such as, through shadow work and through uncovering core beliefs that are deeply engrained in our subconscious mind.

The possibilities in discovering the generational trauma we hold in our DNA are endless. Through inner work, dream analysis, and self-discovery we can unpack baggage and heal core beliefs that have been passed down to us for generations. We can break these patterns for not only ourselves, but for our children or future children as well. As we discover our roots on a spiritual and psychological level, we can heal not only ourselves, but we help heal our parents and our ancestors. As we heal these core beliefs, we break generational curses within our lineage and within the entire collective, since all is connected.

Author: Remi G.
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Sources- 
Blog: https://www.ensembletherapy.com/blog/what-is-generational-trauma
Book: "It Didn't Start With You" by Mark Wolynn

The Dark/Shadow Side

What is the Shadow Self? What is our darkness, exactly? A lot of us define this as our insecurities, our triggers, our inner demons, our ego, etc. Psychologist, Carl Jung, defines this concept as the unknown or unconscious aspect of our personality. I’ve noticed a lot of people are naturally programmed to reject this side of ourselves for various reasons, but in my opinion, that is possibly the worst thing you can do for yourself. Whatever you define your Shadow Self as, I encourage you to embrace that side of you, rather than reject or despise it. You may ask, “How do I know what my dark side is?” There are various ways to identify it. Sometimes you’ll discover it through meditation and deep self-discovery. Sometimes you will notice your shadow erupt during a very minor or severe argument, disagreement, comment, specific scenario, etc. We can sometimes come to know our shadow self when we find ourselves judging others or when we feel an irritation towards someone’s actions/beliefs. Although our feelings and emotions that flare up during a specific trigger may sometimes appear insignificant, they actually hold immense value and deeper truths about yourself.

The dark side or your shadow self can be the side of you that wants to scream in anger or despair. It can be the side of you that acts out almost like a child when you are emotionally triggered by someone or something. It is the pain or discomfort underneath our emotional dysregulation; and if we dig deep enough underneath that pain, we will discover the root or source of it all. Let it be known that there is no such thing as spiritual ascendance without addressing both the light and dark. Moreover, there is no such thing as elevating in your relationships, career, and self-growth journey without addressing your shadow self. As we come to understand where our anxiety, depression, and/or anger is stemmed from, we are then capable of gaining a deeper understanding of our Shadow Self, or unconscious side of ourselves. However, before seeing or understanding where it is rooted from, we must gain awareness. If you have no self-awareness of your emotions, thoughts, actions, or feelings, how can you heal or ascend? Awareness comes first. Healing and/or spiritual elevation follows.

Our dark side is not inherently bad or good… it just is. It is the unconscious or suppressed side of ourselves and with no awareness of this aspect, there is no true growth or self-discovery. As we gain this deeper understanding of ourselves, we can then learn how to nurture, love, trust, and listen to ourselves appropriately and more compassionately. When we learn how to love, nurture, and embrace our own wounds, we will then learn how to nurture the shadow side of others as well with no judgement and with pure love.

As we increase our ability in seeing through emotional triggers by understanding that it is simply pain buried underneath veils of illusion, we can then learn how to transcend it appropriately with pure compassion and light. We cannot fight our darkness. It will get louder. We cannot push it to the side hoping it will disappear. It will roll back over. If we wanted to see better in a dark room, we would turn the light on. It is the same thing with our soul, our emotional body, or our conscious Being. We learn how to find the light and we learn how to nurture the shadow side of ourselves that was restricted from authentic love at one point in our life or for our whole life. In result, we heal, we see, we know, and we transcend into a deeper level of peace and higher level of consciousness/being.

Written by,
Remi G.