Why we mistake passion and love for a relationship that is simply toxic, and how we can let go:
Sometimes we will inevitably time travel into our past as we evolve (or the past will catch up to us). We move backwards in order to move forwards. When we are in tune with our subconscious, we can go into these lower dimensions while still remaining vibrationally aligned with a higher frequency. We must consistently remind ourselves to go into our lower dimensions with full conscious awareness. When the residues of your past selves or inner child make a loud appearance out of nowhere, honor them and welcome them. Matter of fact, have them take a seat at the table and make them some tea.
Go through any necessary old behavioral and emotional thought patterns with full conscious awareness and mindfulness. Dive into the deep end unapologetically, but make sure to remain as the observer. Dive into the space where all of your unresolved past pain resides. Don’t get caught up now. Dive in, then come up for air.. (or leave the front and back door open for your past selves to come as they please, and go once they’re done with their tea lol). To remain as the observer in non-resistant mode, is to master the art of transcendence.
Our subconscious mind will continue to run the show in our outer reality if we don’t dig deep into the shadow of our being. We must extract what is subconsciously weighing us down and give it back to source in order to free ourselves. We must re-discover old pain from childhood or from our past that has been unconsciously suppressed, and nurture it with with the love and care it was once deprived from.
As we re-discover any ignored or suppressed trauma/pain that has been lodged in the deep end, we can then resolve it (inwardly). Doing this in that short lil’ dive, or short lil’ tea session, we clear karmic debt. We free ourselves, our parents, our future children, and our ancestors. We connect to the essence of who we truly are and release the burdens that have been weighing ourselves and our lineage down. We generate our DNA to a higher frequency. We transcend our minds and hearts. We alchemize our darkness into divine light.
Before jumping into generational trauma, let’s address the definition of “trauma”. Trauma is an experience that occurs in an individual’s life that causes mental, physical, and/or emotional harm. It can be a disturbance to the individual’s life and cause one to feel a lack of control over the situation. In the mental health setting, trauma can be considered a “big T” trauma or “little t” trauma. For instance, a death of a family member would be considered a “big T” trauma and something like emotional abuse would be considered a “little t” trauma. Some people may experience multiple “little t” traumas, others may experience one “big T” trauma, and some may experience a mixture of the two. Nonetheless, both forms of trauma are valid in the way they impact an individual’s emotions, mental state, and overall well-being. A few other causes of trauma can be severe illness or injury, sexual or physical abuse, natural disasters, loss of financial income, etc. “Big T” traumas are usually life-threatening and/or associated with PTSD. These cause serious distress to the individual; and while “little t” traumas are not required to meet PTSD criteria, evidence now shows that repeated exposure to “little t” traumas (e.g., emotional abuse) can cause similar or greater distress than one “Big T” traumatic experience. In result of trauma, emotional and physical reactions occur, such as anxiety, digestive issues, lack of confidence, insomnia, intrusive thoughts, etc. In children or young adults, trauma is apparent through reactions as well (e.g., anger, frequent tummy aches, attention-seeking behaviors, consistently misbehaving at school, avoiding school, etc.).
With all of this in mind, we can now consider the term generational trauma. From a scientific lens, generational trauma, or intergenerational trauma, is transferred in between generations. A child can hold core wounds from a biological parent off of unconscious loyalty, and that parent is holding the wounds of their parent, and so forth. Generational trauma will run down one’s lineage until someone breaks the pattern. For example, emotional wounds pertaining to grief, lack of self-worth, physical disease, financial struggle, amongst others can be passed down to the child. The child will experience similar life situations that trigger these core beliefs/wounds to be felt or re-lived since they have been embedded into their DNA. The wounds and core beliefs a family hold as a unit will in result, paint its own unique family dynamic. From a spiritual standpoint, it is said that whatever our parents or ancestors experienced (e.g., racism, emotional abuse, substance abuse, relationship attachments, illness, poverty, etc.), we may also experience similar events in this lifetime. Moreover, theories suggest that until the generational “curse” is broken, it will continue to be passed down. It is said that our ancestors in heaven are guiding us through the process of healing ourselves. As we heal ourselves, we also heal our ancestors and we prevent our children/future children from going through similar “passed-down” traumas.
How can we identify generational trauma within ourselves? The answer to this is to become aware of patterns in your family. Do you see a similarity in the way you handle your emotions and the way your mother/father or grandmother/grandfather handles theirs? Do you see a pattern in the way your emotions are validated by your significant other and the way your father or mother validates their own significant other’s emotions? Perhaps you have gone through poverty, and your grandmother, and grandmother’s father experienced similar situations. It is also said that irrational fears can be due to generational trauma. Moreover, we can identify generational trauma in many ways, such as, through shadow work and through uncovering core beliefs that are deeply engrained in our subconscious mind.
The possibilities in discovering the generational trauma we hold in our DNA are endless. Through inner work, dream analysis, and self-discovery we can unpack baggage and heal core beliefs that have been passed down to us for generations. We can break these patterns for not only ourselves, but for our children or future children as well. As we discover our roots on a spiritual and psychological level, we can heal not only ourselves, but we help heal our parents and our ancestors. As we heal these core beliefs, we break generational curses within our lineage and within the entire collective, since all is connected.
Sources- Blog: https://www.ensembletherapy.com/blog/what-is-generational-trauma Book: "It Didn't Start With You" by Mark Wolynn
Just like fasting from food is beneficial for the mind and spirit, fasting from social media has similar effects. Scrolling through social media throughout the day can have numerous effects on our mind, as well as the body and spirit, since they are interrelated. Everything we read, watch, and listen to is being transmitted into our subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind makes up 95% of our entire mind, which can be an issue, being that we are not conscious of what resides there.
If it were true that our physical reality (i.e., our life) is a reflection of our subconscious mind (i.e., inner reality), wouldn’t it be of major importance to protect and cleanse that aspect of ourselves? Social media is a form of energy exchange within itself. As we intake certain information, pictures, videos, dialogue, etc., we are in essence, feeding our subconscious mind (i.e., our inner reality). In addition to that, we may find ourselves unconsciously comparing our lives to others, we may develop unconscious feelings of unworthiness, etc. Even if that were not the case, we are still nonetheless immersed into another reality and exchanging a form of energy as we mindlessly scroll through our timelines. In result, this can affect our mental or spiritual energy if we are not mindful of the content we scroll through, or if we’re not mindful of how our inner energy is being used.
Taking mini or long social media breaks has been proven to increase levels of inner peace and clarity; it has also been proven to decrease levels of stress, depression, and anxiety. Through these breaks, we can gain awareness of subconscious thoughts or inner dialogue that we may have been unaware of before. As we cleanse our subconscious mind during social media fasts, we can gain clarity on certain things in our life. Moreover, we gain a greater sense of inner peace due to the simple fact that our entire Being is being cleansed, and we increase our ability to tap into our intuition much more efficiently.
What is the Shadow Self? What is our darkness, exactly? A lot of us define this as our insecurities, our triggers, our inner demons, our ego, etc. Psychologist, Carl Jung, defines this concept as the unknown or unconscious aspect of our personality. I’ve noticed a lot of people are naturally programmed to reject this side of ourselves for various reasons, but in my opinion, that is possibly the worst thing you can do for yourself. Whatever you define your Shadow Self as, I encourage you to embrace that side of you, rather than reject or despise it. You may ask, “How do I know what my dark side is?” There are various ways to identify it. Sometimes you’ll discover it through meditation and deep self-discovery. Sometimes you will notice your shadow erupt during a very minor or severe argument, disagreement, comment, specific scenario, etc. We can sometimes come to know our shadow self when we find ourselves judging others or when we feel an irritation towards someone’s actions/beliefs. Although our feelings and emotions that flare up during a specific trigger may sometimes appear insignificant, they actually hold immense value and deeper truths about yourself.
The dark side or your shadow self can be the side of you that wants to scream in anger or despair. It can be the side of you that acts out almost like a child when you are emotionally triggered by someone or something. It is the pain or discomfort underneath our emotional dysregulation; and if we dig deep enough underneath that pain, we will discover the root or source of it all. Let it be known that there is no such thing as spiritual ascendance without addressing both the light and dark. Moreover, there is no such thing as elevating in your relationships, career, and self-growth journey without addressing your shadow self. As we come to understand where our anxiety, depression, and/or anger is stemmed from, we are then capable of gaining a deeper understanding of our Shadow Self, or unconscious side of ourselves. However, before seeing or understanding where it is rooted from, we must gain awareness. If you have no self-awareness of your emotions, thoughts, actions, or feelings, how can you heal or ascend? Awareness comes first. Healing and/or spiritual elevation follows.
Our dark side is not inherently bad or good… it just is. It is the unconscious or suppressed side of ourselves and with no awareness of this aspect, there is no true growth or self-discovery. As we gain this deeper understanding of ourselves, we can then learn how to nurture, love, trust, and listen to ourselves appropriately and more compassionately. When we learn how to love, nurture, and embrace our own wounds, we will then learn how to nurture the shadow side of others as well with no judgement and with pure love.
As we increase our ability in seeing through emotional triggers by understanding that it is simply pain buried underneath veils of illusion, we can then learn how to transcend it appropriately with pure compassion and light. We cannot fight our darkness. It will get louder. We cannot push it to the side hoping it will disappear. It will roll back over. If we wanted to see better in a dark room, we would turn the light on. It is the same thing with our soul, our emotional body, or our conscious Being. We learn how to find the light and we learn how to nurture the shadow side of ourselves that was restricted from authentic love at one point in our life or for our whole life. In result, we heal, we see, we know, and we transcend into a deeper level of peace and higher level of consciousness/being.