Have you ever felt like you’re a ticking time bomb and your anger is either consuming you or putting a damper on the relationships around you?
This could look like… disagreements turning into curse words, slamming of objects, or things getting physical. It can look like snapping on others due to minor inconveniences.
Most of us learn to avoid this authentic, exquisite form of emotion. We suppress it and deal with our anger in non-constructive ways, which in result, sucks the peace out of us or sucks the compassion out of our relationships.
Some of us avoid feelings of anger, or when anger arises, we take it out on others. Sometimes we may blame external circumstances for any of our reckless/unkind dialogue or behavior. A lot of us may project outwards rather than shifting awareness inwards because of fear. Fear that our emotions (e.g., anger) and behaviors stemmed from anger may suggest (in our minds) that we are unworthy or unlovable in some way.
We hear things like, “Stay away from her/him, she/he’s an angry person” … “Don’t talk to her, she/he’s a grump” … etc. These conditioned beliefs weave their way into our minds, and we learn to reject our anger.
In due time, we eventually learn to reject ourselves for experiencing such emotions (consciously or unconsciously). Then, what happens?
As we continue to suppress it moment per moment, it begins to pile up within our body and spirit. This beautiful, raw emotion is consistently avoided, ignored, and rejected. It can then manifest as unhealthy coping mechanisms down the line, such as substance abuse, projecting/abuse, etc. It can even manifest in our physical body through chronic pain, illness, and disease.
Anger is usually stemmed from something deeper than the external situation. It occurs when one of the three are threatened – Our sense of Security (physical, financial, emotional); Our Connections (relationships, sense of value/self-worth, needing to be heard/understood); or Control (feeling empowered to make decisions or have choices).
As we begin to understand our anger, we may find ourselves unraveling deeper layers of emotion that we may have been suppressing for extended amounts of time, such as shame, grief, etc.
Anger allows us to understand our Shadow Self more deeply. It can be our wisest teacher. Therefore, anger is beautiful. I believe it is beneficial when we learn to accept this raw emotion, so we can eventually begin to plant seeds of compassion, kindness, and patience for ourselves.
So, how can we learn to tame our tiger within, in order to preserve our relationships and inner peace?
Through Shadow Work, we begin to learn our anger and dissect the root of the cause right from the jump. Through Inner Child healing, we begin to accept our moments of anger, show love to our raw emotions, and allow our emotions to just be with no judgment when they arise (whether they arise for something minor or major).
Through breathing techniques and exercises which connect us to Self, we learn to breathe through our moments of anger, rather than erupting or projecting onto others every time; and in the moments where we do erupt on others or react through anger (because we are human), these techniques will allow us to go through it with full, conscious awareness and/or self-forgiveness.
Strengthening our conscious awareness… why is this beneficial? When we go through emotions and actions with full, conscious awareness, we discover deeper truths about ourselves over time. We discover any needs that must be met in the moment, or any perceptions stemmed from judgment. This allows us to act from a place of love more often, and less from a place of ego/identity.
It’s important to understand that emotions are not good or bad. Happiness, sadness, anger, joy… they are simply emotions from different sides of the spectrum. One emotion is not better or worse than the other… they just are. Moreover, our emotions do not make us more worthy or less worthy of being loved, safe, and understood.
When we come to realize that anger is not superior or inferior to happiness, we can accept the emotion when it arises. We also no longer perceive ourselves as unlovable or unworthy when we feel this emotion. This allows us to integrate it into love rather than suppressing it to rot in our being and grow like weeds.
When we treat ourselves with more compassion and provide space for our anger, we can communicate our needs effectively with others more often; all while organically creating a space of solace for those you love and yourself.
Learning to cope with our anger and tame our beautiful tiger within not only improves the relationships around us, but most importantly, improves our relationship with ourselves. We understand ourselves deeper than before, which leads to understanding others more deeply. We trust ourselves more, and judge ourselves less… leading us to provide that same energy for others.
We eventually will unlock a deeper level of self-love and confidence when we understand and accept our emotions for what they are, rather than allowing them to consume us and dictate our every action and conversation.
We begin to show up as our highest self more often.
Through this elevated level of conscious awareness, relationships will organically repair, and you and the ones you love will feel more understood and heard. Your mind, heart, and physical body will feel lighter, and you will learn to be able to fulfill your own needs by simply understanding your emotions on a deeper level; and eventually, the vibration of love and light will overlap and wash over you… creating a beautiful, harmonious space of calm for yourself and others.