Co-dependency vs. Love

Are you in love or in a karmic bond? Are you or were you in a solid relationship, or in a co-dependent bond? A lot of times we hurt and we crave a former lover assuming it was a true, genuine, and authentic love we just lost. Which it may have been, to a certain extent, but was that what it was at the root of it all? After healing our deepest wounds that stem from childhood or from our parents/ancestors, we may come to realize that what we thought was true love with our partner, was in fact, not an authentic, true love at all. It was more so attachment, co-dependency, fears, and/or a karmic bond wrapped in one. Of course, we may inevitably have deep care and love for that person. However, were we really IN love or in a true/authentic loving bond?

True love is effortless. It does not grip and hold the other tight for its own possession or selfish desires. It does not lie, fear, judge, or betray. True love is friendship. True love is safe, grounding, and free. You feel safe to be vulnerable, you feel safe to be yourself in your rawest form, and your heart space feels free. True love comes with honesty from both parties and in result, creates an everlasting, deep, undeniable trust. It is patient and it is kind. There is no belittling, there is no shame, and there are no efforts in attempting to change your partner to your liking. You appreciate and love them for all that they are. You are not focused on what they are or aren’t doing for you, but rather, you appreciate them for simply being and being able to experience their existence.

Now, of course, we may find true love and our fears from the past may interfere or come to the surface throughout the relationship. However, at the root of it all, it is not fear-based emotions or emotional trauma that is holding or binding the two individuals together (consciously or unconsciously). Sometimes our fears and co-dependency can be so loud and prominent that we can easily confuse it with real love. Being able to discern the difference comes with experience, wisdom, self-love, and taking the time to heal our core emotional wounds.

Are you truly missing the person, or are you missing the void they filled for you? Are you heartbroken mainly because they are out of your life, or did the separation between you two just trigger your fear of abandonment? Are you upset with the idea of them having eyes for someone else, or are you deep down, unconsciously questioning your worth? Are you genuinely, whole-heartedly in love with them, or are they just fulfilling something for you that you have not learned how to fulfill for yourself?

Thich Nhat Hanh – True Love

-Remi G.

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